Published Sunday, June 07, 2009
Rednecks -- Don't date 'em, don't marry 'em
The Times-Herald
After two friends swapped stories about crazy dates they'd been on, redneck husbands, and wild experiences with in-laws, the book "Don't Date 'Em: How Not to Marry a Redneck" was born.
"I looked at her and said, 'We've got to write this down, this is too funny,'" said Cowetan P.D. Howard, coauthor of the book. "We had each other in stitches."
The book is much like Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might be a Redneck," except from a female perspective.
For instance: "If his mother thinks it will be funny to wear the same dress to your wedding that she wore to his first wedding: Don't date 'em!"
But they're not just witty lines. "Everything in the book is true," Howard said. About 98 percent of the tales recounted in the book are actual experiences of either Howard or her coauthor and business partner, Robin Allison. They write under the name Allison Howard.
The places mentioned in the book are 100 percent real, too, from Goober's Gas and Groceries near Sharpsburg to Pig's Biscuits and Worms, which Howard said used to be located between Newnan and Carrollton. So is the place mentioned in this line from the book: "If he wants to take you to dinner at a facility that is a BBQ restaurant on one side of the building and an adult toy store on the other side of the building: Don't date 'em." It's in Columbus, Howard said.
This excerpt is from one of Howard's dating experiences -- "If you can't ride in his truck comfortably because your hair keeps getting tangled up and hung on the gun racks across the back windshield: Don't date 'em."
"It's all true ... that is what is so frightening about it," Howard said.
"Don't Date 'Em" is not meant to be a man-bashing book, and it's not meant to be a redneck-bashing book, say the authors.
Instead, it is a chronicle of "our never-ending quest for the perfect redneck husband," Howard said.
The point of the book is to let ladies know what they are in for.
"If you don't enjoy it, if you don't want to ride in a pickup truck that big, if you don't want to live by the hunting seasons, don't date them," Howard said.
"If you're not woman enough for that environment, if you can't celebrate and enjoy that culture, then avoid that in the first place."
"To me, it is just a celebration of the culture," said Allison. "If you're not woman enough to marry them, then don't date them."
The book "started out as a kind of therapy for the two of us. We started comparing stories," Allison said. "She's been married twice and I've been married twice. I was married to two Georgia rednecks and she was married to two Georgia rednecks.
"It's a creative process that just kind of happened, without a lot of planning."
That was when the book first started coming together. Then last summer, at the Redneck Games in East Dublin in south Georgia, they held a Miss Redneck contest, seeking the best redneck story. The winner got to be included in the book and received a trophy featuring beer cans, a man in an outhouse, a tractor and a dog treeing a coon.
"We got amazing stories out of the Redneck Games," Howard said. Some of them will be included in the second book, "Don't Date 'Em Two: More How Not to Marry a Redneck," coming out later this year.
They plan to eventually write six books. The first one, which has been out about a month, is being sold exclusively at Scott's Bookstore in Newnan.
"Now that people are finding out about the book, they call and tell me, 'I've got a story for your book,'" Howard said.
She and Allison have also vowed to visit all the festivals mentioned in the books -- such as the New Year's Eve Possum Drop and the Bean Fest with Parade of Outhouses and Championship Outhouse Races -- and conduct interviews.
"Now that people know that the book is out there, they want to contribute. They have bizarre situations of their own, and we welcome that," Howard said. "It's very entertaining, and I think there is comfort in commonality, comfort in these universal experiences."
They hope to launch a Web site by the end of the summer, Howard said. Stories for the books can currently be e-mailed to HowardAllison09@gmail.com .