Published Thursday, October 15, 2009

New places, new faces in the family circle

The old Chinese proverb goes: "He who stands still too long will soon be covered with pigeon poo or dirt."

OK, so I made that one up. But it's still true. If we're not trying out new ideas or adventures, we might as well be boxed up and shipped out. Which is why I'm so excited. I'm not just expanding my horizons, I'm expanding my extended family. All the way to the Arctic Circle. Or at least to Wisconsin, which is pretty darn close.

I knew this was a possibility when my daughter started dating a Wisconsin boy. Now she's married him and moved to America's Dairyland, so regular visits will be part of the travel itinerary.

I won't mind a bit. I've only been to Wisconsin once, but was charmed by the people, enchanted by the scenery and overcome by tasty local foods ranging from fried cheese curds to a great steak at the Out O' Town supper club, which sits just Out O' (the) Town of DePere.

Maybe Wisconsin has such great-tasting food because it has some of the best-looking farmland you ever saw. That's a big plus for me because I have always liked and admired farms, farmers and farm-related activities.

Not just because farmers are nice people. Because without farmers we would all be afflicted with a serious medical condition known as -- death.

Wisconsin also has oodles of lakes, some of which are not frozen year-round. The state also has great bays, including one named Green.

I've visited Green Bay and its famous religious shrine, Lambeau Field, where the Green Bay Packers play football. Since I now have family ties, I'll gladly support the Packers unless they play the Atlanta Falcons.

It won't be hard. I've liked the Packers since legendary coach Vince Lombardi ran the show. Plus, I've already learned to hate ex-Packer quarterback Brett Favre and plan to burn him in effigy this Halloween.

As far as I know, there isn't anything not to like about Wisconsin. Especially if you like lots of snow. And I do. In photos and paintings.

But no matter how swell Wisconsin is, you can't be too careful. Even in Sheboygan, which my daughter and her hubby call home.

Sheboygan is a pretty town of about 50,000 souls nestled on the western shore of Lake Michigan. In August, Sheboygan is a riot of green turf and colorful flowers. It's pretty as a picture. In fact, Sheboygan is often referred to as "The Paris of east Wisconsin." Or it should be. It's definitely the nicest place between Milwaukee and Green Bay.

But even Sheboygan isn't perfect. Which is why I'm warning my daughter to steer clear of Ms. Julia Laack, a Sheboyganite who was recently the subject of a news story that featured the tabloid trifecta of nudity, beef jerky and cop-cussing.

According to the news release, Ms. Laack was busted at her Sheboygan home and charged with stealing beef jerky and a lighter from a convenience store.

She didn't go quietly. Or even fully clothed. When the cops showed up, Ms. Laack started stripping and told officers, "You can't arrest me as I am going to be naked now."

When the police set out to prove her wrong, Laack kicked a cop in the groin. Once she was in custody, Laack cussed the cops and mooned spectators from the back of the squad car as it drove away. Sheboygan police said alcohol was involved.

I doubt this behavior is typical of Sheboygan. And I know my daughter will be happy there, but I'm sending her a copy of the story, anyway. I just don't want her to forget that even the finest vat of cheese has a few bad curds.

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )