Published Thursday, October 22, 2009

Fright night

I'm pretty good at spotting cultural trends. I'm even better at ignoring them, which explains why I was the last in my crowd to get a CD or DVD player. I've still never touched a video game console.

I'm also one of those party poopers who quit dressing up for Halloween before I hit puberty. From the looks of things, I'm in a rapidly-shrinking minority.

Halloween is bigger than ever. And not just because Harry Potter made witches and magic wands hip. These days entire stores are devoted to the sale or rental of fancy Halloween costumes designed to make you the hit of the party.

Apparently, people just love to dress up and pretend they're not themselves.

I don't get it. Dressing up like somebody or something else does not appeal to me in the slightest. Maybe because I dressed up so much when I was a kid.

Part of the problem was location. When I was small we lived in New Orleans. Then and now, the town's biggest party was a bash called Mardi Gras.

Today, Mardi Gras is mostly an excuse to get drunk and make a fool of yourself in public. But it used to be tame enough that entire families attended parades, parties and other Mardi Gras events without fear of getting shot, stabbed or robbed, or flashed by bare-chested coeds seeking free beads.

Back then the goal wasn't getting drunk but getting dressed up. Folks spent weeks, maybe months, deciding what costume to wear and then putting it together.

When it came to costumes, my mother was tops. The proof is in my box of family photos. The Mardi Gras photos show me dressed as a clown, a hobo and something unrecognizable, maybe a scarecrow with pine straw stuffing.

My favorite outfit was the Uncle Sam suit mother made. You won't find a better one today.

If it wasn't Mardi Gras, I was dressing up for a school play or some shindig at church, where I played everything from a shepherd to one of the Three Wise Men.

By the time I was out of elementary school I had worn enough costumes to last a lifetime.

But it looks like I'm one of the few.

These days people seem to like dressing up more than ever. Halloween is the perfect excuse. And not just for kids who dress up for one night and go in search of tooth-rotting treats.

These days, the young kids are often accompanied by parents more dressed up than their offspring. If June Cleaver had pulled a stunt like that, Wally and Beaver would have turned out as terrorists.

At some point you have to drop the disguises and be yourself. I'm there. And I'm glad. Besides, if I wanted to dress up for Halloween, what would I wear?

Since I'm the traditional type, I'd want something old-fashioned. But these days, ghosts and goblins don't raise an eyebrow. Sasquatch suits are too itchy, and even a Richard Nixon mask doesn't rate a second look.

Communist Chinese leader the late Chairman Mao Tse Tung used to be considered creepy since he killed tens of millions of his fellow Chinese, but all the Mao suits have probably been rented by Mao's admirers on Obama's White House staff.

But there is one thing even scarier than the Obama staff. And the costume is cheap. If I decided to dress up this year, I'll just put on a fake smile, stuff my pockets with cash and go as a member of Congress. In America today, there is nothing more frightful.

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )