Published Saturday, July 19, 2008

Believe it or not

In a world where media exposure is critical to an interest group's survival, folks wanting to push their point of view go to desperate measures to earn a one-paragraph newspaper story or 30-second mention on the nightly news.

Those that succeed have two things in common. First, they know how to package their product to make it more appealing to media outlets. Second, they appear to be halfway competent in promoting their cause.

These two things may explain why you haven't seen or heard much about the most talked-about event on the 2008 secular calendar ... Atheist World.

Don't be alarmed. Atheist World isn't a new planet. It's a convention of people who don't believe in much of anything. Small crowds are expected.

Maybe attendance to the Sept. 25-28 event would be higher if it were hyped like a political convention, complete with free whiskey, strippers, red-faced speakers, back-room bargaining sessions and bazillions of balloons.

Apparently, atheists aren't fond of such frivolity. Guess it might imply they actually enjoyed life. Which doesn't sound likely, according to the Atheist World convention agenda.

The promotional brochure on the Internet says ...

"The Atheist Alliance International (AAI) will hold its annual convention on the Queen Mary, in Long Beach, Calif., Sept. 25-28, 2008. Titled "Unsinkable Atheism," the conference will mix freethinking intellectual discussion with charity events, an atheist wedding, a salute to 'atheists in foxholes,' and a children's summer camp."

Intellectual discussion? Atheist wedding? Charity events? Set the snooze alarm and call me when the Cyndi Lauper concert starts.

By the way, if these folks are promoting a "summer camp" that starts four days into autumn, no wonder they're not being taken seriously.

Maybe they could spice things up by offering some fun atheist activities. What non-believer wouldn't want to play "Pin the Tail on the Pope"?

Or how about "Atheist Jeopardy"?

"I'll take 'Billy Graham is a Bozo' for one thousand, Alex."

Sadly, this bunch doesn't appear that creative. Worse, they exhibit poor grammar skills.

For instance, one section of the brochure is titled "Who We Are." But it doesn't tell "Who We Are." It actually describes "How We Live," described in such nuggets as:

"Atheism is living one's life without the supernatural," and "We are responsible for humane interaction with other animals and for the preservation of our habitable planet."

Yawn.

Under the title "We Are Not" (which should be "What We Believe"), the brochure says, "An atheist is anyone who has no belief in any god, whether the god is called Jehovah, Satan, Vishnu, Allah, Loki, Zeus, or any other name. Therefore, atheists hold many varieties of social and political philosophies."

Or none.

The brochure says atheists don't believe in:

1. The appearance of "ghosts" or other spirits of the dead.

2. Reincarnation of human "souls."

3. The denial of established historical events, such as the Nazi mass murder of Jews, homosexuals, Gypsies, and atheists during World War II.

Guess number No. 3 must be a tough one to swallow since former non-believer Adolph Hitler actually created the problem with his "humane interaction" with the Jews.

By the way, AAI bills itself as religion-free. As opposed to sugar-free or fat-free, I guess. But the more you read about this group, it seems like what they're most free of is a sense of humor. There's not a light moment on the agenda.

You wonder why. Here's an "enlightened" guess: Maybe atheists refuse to embrace laughter because they're afraid that one day they'll discover the joke's on them.

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com)