Published Sunday, September 09, 2012
Ever have one of those “ah ha” moments when something suddenly becomes so obvious you wonder how you survived before that enlightenment?
I’m talking about one of those slap yourself upside the head discoveries, the ones where you immediately call all your friends to share said discovery and some well-meaning individual goes “well, duh, everyone knows that.”
Yeah. Been there.
Recently, I was just minding my own business, surfing the informational highway for some incredibly important something when I chanced upon an article. Call it fate. Call it eye-opening. Call it some people have way too much time on their hands.
Anyway ... apparently I eat Tic Tacs the wrong way. And have for years. And no one has been kind enough to inform me. So now that I know, I feel rather stupid. I don’t mean in a depressed sort of way, but rather I just wish someone had enlightened me earlier - so I could be all hip and stuff.
But now I know. And knowledge is power. And I was raised to share.
There are reasons why things are the way they are. Why the earth rotates the way it does. Why infinity is such a long time. Why, as faithful readers of this column, know, there is only one real way to eat an Oreo cookie.
And now, the proper way to dispense Tic Tacs.
If you’re like me, you take the little plastic bottle and start shaking - to either yours or a friend’s open palm. There are two possible outcomes. One, you will shake and shake and then turn it backside up and then shake some more and still ... nothing comes out.
Or, you will shake and half the Tic Tacs fall out, with half those missing the palm and ending on the floor and if you’re with your friend you both are thinking whether the five-second rule applies and whether anyone else is watching and what’s the right etiquette with regards as to who bends over to pick up said Tic Tacs - providing you’re following the five-second rule - and does said rule apply only for carpet or floors as well and ...
Wow that was a long sentence.
On the bottom side of the Tic Tac top (say that fast three times) ... Okay, I was kidding. Stop. Now.
Anyway, on the bottom is a little raised oval area just slightly larger than a Tic Tac. To dispense, you turn the bottle upside down, give it a little tap and slowly open the lid. A single Tic Tac will fall into that oval area on the lid.
Now yes, you may be the type who’s willing to take a risk and wants more than one at a time, but realize the risk. It’s all or none.
But this way is, what’s the word ... sophisticated. I mean you can use this method and offer royalty a Tic Tac. It’s just so ... proper. Imagine running into the Queen of England somewhere and offering her a Tic Tac and using this method. She’d be so impressed as she reaches out with her white gloved hand you might just get a knighthood.
And yes, since I know you are now looking for a Tic Tac box or thinking how it actually works out, there is a YouTube video on how to do it. But finish the article first.
Because I’ve learned another trick.
You know those little white paper Ketchup/Catsup (pick your own spelling) cups? They are great for dipping like one or two french fries in. But what if you’re a glutton and you want to eat a bunch of french fries at once and must have Ketchup/Catsup on all of them?
Or, what if you want to dip your hamburger - ever try to cram a burger in that little cup? And the ultimate challenge is trying to get a fish fillet dipped in that little cup of tease. It’s just not happening.
But those little cups have a trick. You can pull those folds apart and really widen it up. And voila, you can dip to your heart’s content. I showed that to one of the SONS of Thunder this week; he bowed to my awesomeness.
And now you know. And knowledge is power. And sometimes, those small victories and discoveries are enough for the day. You don’t always have to hit it out of the park.
Alright, you can go to YouTube now.
John A. Winters is a staff writer for The Newnan-Times Herald. His personal column (Just Flip The Dog) is at http://justflipthedog.com