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Published Thursday, November 19, 2009

Plenty left to like in the USA

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, but many Americans are having a hard time finding anything to be thankful about. With the economy continuing to sink, jobs losses continuing to soar, and our collective "Hope" tanks leaning toward "E," there aren't many bright spots on the horizon.

But if you're looking for something to give thanks for, remember that despite abundant evidence to the contrary, our government is not the dumbest on Earth.

For example, Americans are arguing about whether or not the terrorists who planned the September 11 attacks should be tried before a military tribunal or face criminal charges in New York, as ordered by Attorney General Eric Holder.

Lawyers will collect their Christmas money debating that one, but at least we know what happens when the trial is over. The guilty will either go to jail or be executed.

That's usually enough to satisfy both the definition of and desire for justice. But the end of a trial does not mean the end of the story in Uganda, where punishment continues after death.

In that spirit, the Ugandan government is about to flog the bodies of several people who died after drinking illegal home-brewed booze. The corpses will be given six strokes with a cane. After the beating they can be buried.

That'll show 'em.

Government officials say beating dead people will serve as an example to the living that when it comes to drinking African moonshine, Uganda doesn't fool around. I'll say.

And Uganda does not have a monopoly on stupid government tricks. Just ask British citizen Paul Clarke, who now faces five years in jail for trying to help the cops improve public safety.

For years it has been illegal for a private citizen to own a gun in Britain. The number of gun crimes has soared since the ban, but Brits remain convinced that the only way to solve gun violence is to make sure that only bad guys possess firearms. Don't get me started.

So the other day Clarke was wandering across his property when he found a trash bag someone had tossed on the lawn. Clark peeked inside and was shocked to see a sawed-off shotgun and two shells.

Thinking he was doing the right thing, Clark took the shotgun to the police station and turned it in.

Instead of giving him a good citizenship award for getting a gun off the street (or lawn), cops arrested Clark and charged him with possession of a firearm.

Clark was shocked. Then, cops showed him a government pamphlet that said citizens who came across free-range guns in the yard should "report them to the police." Clark had made the mistake of actually turning in the gun in, which meant he had to touch it, putting him in possession of a firearm.

He was told he should have waited for cops to come by and pick up the gun.

At trial, Clark's defense attorney said he was trying to do the right thing. The prosecutor explained that since possession of a gun was a "strict liability charge," Clarke's intentions didn't matter. He was guilty of touching a gun and there was no legal defense for this horrid action.

Judge Christopher Critchlow said, "This is an unusual case, but in law there is no dispute that Mr. Clarke has no defense to this charge. The intention of anybody possessing a firearm is irrelevant."

And to think the British were once admired for their common sense.

Forrest Gump loved to say "Stupid is as stupid does." Wonder what he'd say about this stuff?

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )

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