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Alex McRae Columnist

Published Sunday, November 01, 2009

Holiday cash in short supply

Money matters can keep you awake at night for all the wrong reasons. Nowadays, financial-induced insomnia is at levels not seen since for decades. People haven't been this edgy since the Book of Revelations was published.

The only exception might have been during the Great Y2K Scare, when millions believed the world would end because some computer calendars couldn't count past the year 1999.

On the bright side, the latest economic growth numbers are encouraging. The bad news is, the economy grew without adding a single net job.

That's always bad. And a bleak job market is even worse during the holidays when students on school break try to fatten their cash stash and adults seek extra work to put more treasure under the tree.

When I was in high school and college my main holiday "job" was playing in a band. It was a great way to earn money, and since none of us had girl friends, social events rarely conflicted with musical commitments.

We did everything from school dances to private parties, and things were always busy during the runup to Christmas. Most of the parties were great fun. One notable exception was a private gathering at the American Legion hall in Alexander City, Alabama.

Our small combo knew a sackful of Christmas tunes, but one woman -- whose blood alcohol level was almost as high as her hair and her heels -- didn't want to hear any songs about baby Jesus or Santa Claus.

We were a stone's throw from Auburn University, but this babe was a Bear Bryant fan and all she wanted to hear was the University of Alabama fight song, "Yeah, Alabama."

Since inebriated sports fans will often pay extra to hear their school's fight song, we knew every popular fight song and could learn a new one in less than a minute. On a good night, we could work a drunk fan like an ATM.

"Yeah, Alabama" was popular at our gigs. So was the Auburn fight song, "War Eagle." That night we tried to please the 'Bama lady, but fight songs get old fast and we refused to play "Yeah, Alabama" as much as she wanted.

She let us know she was unhappy and finally got so nasty she was led gently away, trailing a cloud of bourbon vapor and cussing a blue streak at the band. It took us a while to recapture the Christmas spirit.

I don't do holiday music gigs anymore, but I'm not above taking extra tasks for extra cash. Especially during the holidays. I'm not the only one, so I'm sure the Charmin toilet paper people won't have any trouble filling a Christmas season job in New York City.

Charmin sponsors some plush public toilets in one of America's most public places -- Times Square. From November 23 to December 31, Charmin officials will employ five people as hosts and hostesses for the Times Square toilets.

All they have to do is smile, be nice and make sure the restrooms stay clean. Each toilet trooper earns $2,000 for five weeks of work.

This might be one season when public toilets spread peace, love and joy instead of something less desirable. I hope that same cheerful spirit spreads from coast to coast.

I especially hope it catches on in Cleveland. Out there, in the heart of the Rust Belt, economic times are so hard that, recently, after robbers mugged a man at a bus stop, they stole his chicken dinner.

Stealing a man's money and his chicken? Lord help. I hope Santa was watching. And taking names.

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )

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