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Jim Griffith Columnist

Published Thursday, December 22, 2011

Wish I'd said that sharp, funny word

Bad Situation: A man said a distressed husband friend of his told him, "If I came home to a woman who was in a good mood, glad to see me, affectionate and showed tenderness, I would --"

"But," his friend broke in, "how would that make you feel?"

"I would know I was in the wrong house."

.....

Does this describe the kind of world we live in?

Someone said, "Integrity is everything -- if you can fake that, you have got it made."

.....

Word from regular churchgoer: "A good sermon should have an attention-getting beginning, a good ending, and they shouldn't be too far apart."

.....

Consoling friend? A discouraged man said, "I think everybody hates me."

"That's not right," his friend said. "Everybody hasn't met you yet."

.....

Is this the way we all act when we are driving?

"Anyone going slower than you is a creeping nut."

And "anyone going faster than you is a stupid speed demon."

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No kind flattery for speaker: "He is confusingly clever, but sometime he doesn't understand a thing he is saying."

.....

Great admiration for craftsmen: I admire those who are skilled wood-workers. I have never had an electric saw or a work bench where I took wood and made something beautiful. If I'd tried, people would now be saying: "I think he does well for someone who cut off both hands."

.....

Like a man said: "A good place to buy furniture is a store where lumber has already been cut, put together in the form of furniture, beautifully finished, and packed in a box."

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