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Kathy Bohannon Columnist

Published Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A prayer for my dad

I lost my dad just a few days ago thanks to an enemy called cancer.

It is surreal, this concept of dad being gone; his booming voice silenced, his striking white hair and tall stature reduced to a fond memory.

I sang Psalm 23 by Michael Olson at my dad's memorial service. Several people have said they didn't know how I did it, how I was able to keep my composure. At the time I wasn't sure either, but as the hours roll into days and the days roll into weeks, I realize it was because my prayer for him was answered. A prayer for his comfort and release.

It used to be impossible to pray against my own will while asking God to do His will. I struggled with it. I fought it in my heart, my mouth murmuring the words. I knew then that God was fully aware of my reluctance to completely embrace the concept of His will, but in time and with much prayer, I began to desire God's will more than anything.

And so it was with my daddy.

I visited him off and on this year as often as I could. He had fallen in love again, something I encouraged after mom died back in 2008. I arrived just a couple of days before mom passed away and I stayed with dad for over a month. We spent some amazing time together - time that helped us form a bond that most kids who have been on their own for over 30 years don't have the chance to experience. For that I am forever grateful.

It was during that time I told dad he should love again. He didn't need to be alone, didn't have to be solo in the winter of his life and that I would fully support him if he were to find someone. My two sisters and brother agreed, and after a time passed, dad found love with his lady Jane.

Most recently I spent some nights with him when he was in the hospital, sleeping on a surprisingly comfortable cushioned bench. There were many blessings as well as a few challenges. Among the blessings was a nurse that brought me a warm blanket and tucked me in. I will never forget that. Another was a nurse that brought me those funny socks that keep you from slipping on hospital floors. And then there was the nurse who was leaving for the night and walked me from one long end of the hospital campus to the other end, all the way to his new room, only to retrace her steps so she could walk outside to her car and go home.

These things strengthened me when I was up all night holding his hand, giving him ice chips, talking gently to him, stroking his hair. I made him laugh a couple of times and he made me laugh even more than that. I am thankful for those moments of normalcy between us.

The challenges were two surly nurses who I'm sure by now, have had a change of heart. I have chosen not to dwell on those; opting to remember best the people that made our grueling days easier.

Friends called. They e-mailed. They sent cards and text messages, all offering prayers, love and support. "What do you need?" They always asked. "Prayers for his comfort and release," I would answer.

I wanted God's will, and I prayed that it would be that my daddy, the strong, handsome, loving, giving man that had guided our family forever, would not suffer anymore. It sounded just like that was my will. And it was. But I believe in this case it was also God's will because God answered that prayer and let my dad rest.

I don't know what it feels like yet to have no parents. That hasn't sunk in. What I do know is though mom has been gone for over three years I still reach for the phone to call her when something wonderful happens. I know I have already reached for the phone to call dad, only to stop in mid reach when I remember the morning of Labor Day, just days ago.

They asked how I got through it, singing at my dad's service. I know how. It was the answered prayer and God's will and I have embraced it.

•••

Kathy Bohannon is a Georgia Press Association award winner and regular contributor to the Times-Herald. Kathy can be reached at kathybohan@yahoo.com

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