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Published Sunday, October 02, 2011 in Opinion

The fun is back

Christmas time is always more fun when your shopping list includes children's toys. After more years than I care to count, the thrill is back.

The last time my kids were young enough to squeal when we drove past Toys 'R US, Jimmy Carter was in the White House and Newsweek magazine was running stories about "The Coming Ice Age."

I still remember the long drive to Cleveland, Ga., to "adopt" a Cabbage Patch Kid named Jewel Nan for my daughter, Heather. The ugliest cabbage I've ever seen is cuter.

My son, Hunter, lost his lust for toys when he realized "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" was better on TV commercials than in real life.

My kids gave up Christmas gadgets forever after Santa Claus dropped off an Atari game system and mom and dad monopolized the playing time on Frogger and Pacman.

Since then, it's been cash and gift cards and all is well. But now, my kids have kids of their own. This is gonna be fun.

Mom and dad feel pressured to purchase "educational" toys since they have to sweat the consequences if the kids grow up with poor math skills or a stunted concern for endangered minnows or cockroaches.

Grandparents can just buy "fun" toys that will drive parents crazy. I'm ready.

Finding something for 1-year-old Michael in Wisconsin is a snap. Until he's old enough for his own hockey stick he gets a new snowmobile suit.

The Georgia kids, Bella and Owen, are still in pre-school, but they know their toys and they know what's hot and what's not. I'm learning.

The list of 2011' s "Hottest Christmas Toys" is already out and contains several choices that ought to dazzle the kids and frazzle the parents.

Sesame Street's Elmo has been a Christmas favorite almost as long as Rudolph. The 2011 offering is "Let's Rock Elmo." This model features the familiar red fuzzball sporting a guitar and comes complete with "tunes" that will rock the house until the batteries die.

Unfortunately, Christmas commercials will compete with political ads this year. The way things are going, many of the political ads will promote class warfare.

This is not the traditional Christmas sentiment, but youngsters who like a little hate with their "ho, ho, hos" will love the spiffy new Net Vortex Vigilon. This peacenik's nightmare is a plastic gun on steroids that children can wield to keep those evil high-class or low-class (depending on your prejudice) losers away from the door.

The Net Vortex Vigilon also shoots foam darts up to 50 feet, which makes it the darling of TV personal injury lawyers.

My favorite new Christmas offering is the Trash Pack Garbage Truck. When I saw this one I was overjoyed that someone had created a toy that praised the grueling -- and often thankless -- job done by sanitation workers while reminding us all to keep things clean and green.

Then, the bad news.

A closer inspection revealed that the Trash Pack Garbage Truck doesn't actually pick up and haul off trash. It collects and disposes of cute little plastic people called Trashies.

Horrors. I can't believe a toy that encourages the disposal of decent, loving people (even plastic ones) is a good idea.

That's the last message anyone wants to hear at Christmas. But making one small change in this toy could make a huge difference in sales.

People love Trashies, but if the Trash Pack Garbage Truck were redesigned to haul plastic models of members of Congress to the local landfill, it might be the season's top seller.

In fact, if they made a life-sized model of the truck and put real members of Congress out for collection, I'd volunteer to drive.

•••

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )

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