Moms' mysteries of life

I watched a movie during the weekend about a man who pops a pill and suddenly everything is clear to him. Life is no longer a mystery. He understands the stock market, politics and the actions he must take. Must be nice. It made me think, "What would it be it like to uncover the great mysteries that moms face every day?" Here are some of the things that plague me on a daily basis: Why is it that every time I close the bathroom door, someone calls my name? And why is it when I yell to tell them where I am, they repeat it to the person who's calling on the phone?
Why is it that "Nobody" does so much mischief around the house? He tracks in mud, puts back empty cartons and leaves a mess on the floor. I'm sure "Nobody" knows the answer to this one. What is it about bedtime on Sunday nights that makes kids remember they have a project the next day? Furthermore, why is it that they can't remember their projects, but they can remember the exact price I paid for my purse and then they repeat it when their dad is in earshot? Why is it that I have to ask them how to operate my phone, and the Wii, and the DVD? Why is it kids can beg for a pet for 10 years and then forget about it in 10 minutes? What do house plants have against me? Why is it that coupons expire the day before I try to use them? Why do kids tiptoe past Daddy in order to wake Mommy up? Speaking of Daddy, why does his cooking always taste better? And, why doesn't the fire alarm go off when he's doing the cooking? Why don't kids mention when something's leaking? Why is it that every sporting event is called by a different name, i.e., meet, match, game, etc.? And, why does everybody laugh when I get it wrong? Why do my kids always win gold fish at the fair? Why are all my doorknobs used as hangers? How is it that they get older, but their dad and I don't? Why is it they don't believe us when we say as soon as they are grown, we're going to buy an RV and take turns parking in their driveways? Why is it that as soon as you buy a case of their favorite food at the wholesale store they stop eating it? Why is it they are smart enough to make all A's but can't operate a single appliance? Where does all the Scotch tape go? How did my pool table get transformed into a Lego table? Why is it they want me to hold everything while their hands are empty and mine are full? And, why is it that I do it? Finally, the last question is a doozie. Why is it that in a blink of an eye they are gone?

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