Father's pre-date checklist for daughter's suitors

Recently my wife sent me a form that any prospective beau who wanted to date my daughter would have to fill out. It had many questions, including Social Security number, Boy Scout rank, what church you attend, if you were to die where would you like your remains scattered, etc. I really liked this list because, though my daughter is only 3 years old, I do believe it is my job to think ahead. To plan for the time at which some boy calls upon my daughter desiring to be the lucky suitor of the most important little girl in the world, I find it my duty to think ahead for this young man. I want to help him realize the heavy responsibility he holds by leaving with my pride and joy. While the form my wife sent is a great screening tool, I have developed a pre-date checklist that I am sure will grow much, much, much longer.
I thought I would share it for those who may also hold the responsibility of protecting a daughter. The date-my-daughter pre-date checklist: • Must have GPS tracker, because you have no fear of me knowing where you are at any time. • Must have satellite phone, because the excuse "I could not get a cell signal" is not acceptable. • Must carry curfew countdown stopwatch, because one second late is one second too many. • You must have umbrella to cover her in case it rains. • Must have a coat to cover her in case it snows. • Must have bulletproof vest so you can step in front of a bullet to protect her in case of an attack. • Need latex glove because, not only should you hold open every door, you should take every precaution to not pass on the germs from the handle. • Must have one piece of beef jerky to use as a deterrent if attacked by a dog. • Have a handkerchief in case she ever cries • Wear really good running shoes in case you are the one to make her cry. Rob Prout Newton

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