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Published Sunday, December 25, 2011 in Opinion

Baby due

I was recently bestowed the greatest honor I could ever imagine.

My daughter asked me to be present when she delivers her first child this coming February.

The first thing I did was cry a little. The next thing I did was cry a lot. It's a huge thing to me that she wants her mom to be at her side.

The next step would be to attend a birthing class. Aubern and her husband live in Newnan and I live in Savannah, so I checked with the midwives who delivered The Boy's children and they allowed me to attend a class. There were four young couples and me. Five tummies bulging, four with precious unborn babes, one with years of fast food. And we sat together and learned how to birth babies.

When I was carrying my children I wanted natural childbirth, which for me meant no drugs. For the exception of a bit of Demerol during transition with The Boy, I was blessed to be able to do that in spite of the notion of one doctor who wanted to give me a shot that would send me into LaLa land.

I was in full labor when he arrived at the hospital and told me in no uncertain terms that I would be given the drug scopolamine. I'll suffice it to say I stood my ground and another doctor replaced him in a timely manner, considering I was in full labor. I was thankful that the doctor who rushed to assist me had already agreed that I could have a natural delivery if it were possible.

Things were looking good until my mom arrived.

Mom came from the "knock me out until the baby is a week old" school of labor and delivery. She did as many women did back in the 1950's and received the kind of care that ill people get in the hospital. When I was born in 1958, they gave her enough pain meds until she hallucinated for four solid days.

She was not eager to see me in pain and let me know as much when she came into my room on the labor and delivery floor. She begged me to change my mind and when I didn't she fell apart in the way a mom would fall apart knowing her child could be spared the greatest pain she would ever know.

In order for me to maintain my focus I had to ask her to leave. At that moment it was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Later, as I rested after natural childbirth I would realize that making her leave was clearly the second hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

Ever since the births of our children I've been an advocate for midwifery and as natural a process for childbirth as possible. My husband John loves to tell "our" birth stories. Thirty years later he still laughs out loud at the silly things that happened and is still emotional over our two experiences.

I'd like to think that our stories encouraged our children to experience the births of their own children in as natural a way as they could. The Boy and his wife Emily have had two children with midwives and now our daughter will have her first with one.

That said, I do believe that it isn't for everyone. But it was for me and I'm thankful for having been able to go through it. And I can't believe that I'm going to be at my daughter's side when she has her baby.

The class was just over three hours; three swift hours of birthing from A to Z. It was a crash course for this mom who has been out of the classroom for about twice as long as any of the other students have been around. And there was a lot to learn and oh how I wish I'd known all this back in the day.

In the very last moments of class we viewed a short movie of a woman and her husband experiencing childbirth. It was all I could do to keep my composure until I could get to the car. And just like my mom did so many years ago, I fell apart as the realization sunk in that my baby is going to truly experience childbirth as naturally as she can.

I'm pretty sure I can do this because it is so important to her and to me. But just in case, Aubern and I have an understanding. Just in case I'm like my mom and cannot cope with seeing my baby girl in pain, I will step out so she can bring her baby into the world her way. It will truly be a blessed and wonderful experience and I can't wait.

***

(Kathy Bohannon can be reached at kathybohan@yahoo.com .)

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