Just a suggestion
President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Dear Mr. President,
I have written you several notes in the past and all went unanswered, so allow me to introduce myself. Again.
My name is Alex and I'm here to help.
To be honest, I'm not your biggest fan. But I am wild about the U.S.A. and always ready to serve when my country needs help.
Mr. O, watching your team trying to implement Obamacare has been like watching clowns pile out of the stunt car at the circus. Except at the circus, customers are expected to laugh. No one is laughing over Obamacare.
I know these things aren't easy. I feel your pain. And I cringe when hard-hearted conservatives suggest that if the dopes who designed Obamacare had spent more time working in the private sector and less in graduate school they would have known that it was going to be really, really hard to implement the largest, most expensive government program ever conceived outside the former Soviet Union.
That alone is a chore. The task got tougher when Team Obama decided the best way to implement the program was to let 'customers' sign up via a nifty new federal government website.
And maybe they would. If they could.
Mr. President, after almost three years of alleged work, your Harvard-heavy team of hacks has yet to produce a website that works more than a few hours a day and is capable of simultaneously handling enough customers to fill a booth at the nearest Waffle House.
Frankly, sir, the Obamacare rollout has been the most disastrous launch since the Titanic sailed for New York in 1912.
I know you're not happy about this, sir. And frankly, I think some of the criticism of you and your program is unfair.
Sure, we created a space program from scratch and sent a man to the moon and back, but that was decades ago, when Americans were more concerned with results than fielding a team that reflects our nation's diversity. We're now the most inclusive nation on Earth. You deserve the credit. Restoring our national competence can't be far behind.
But I digress.
Back to the current problem. Your two beautiful daughters, Sasha and Malia, are 12 and 15 years old, respectively. I'd bet anything those two young ladies have more computer savvy than you and I can even dream of.
I know a 4-year-old that can operate every piece of electronic equipment in the house, from smartphones to iPads to alarm systems. Twelve-year-olds are writing code that alerts them to sales at Aeropostale and high school sophomores routinely hack into the most secure computer servers on Earth.
Building websites? Today's teenagers could build the Death Star in a week.
The kids down the street from the White House are dabbling with quantum computing and artificial intelligence. The Obamacare website team is still stuck at Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. That's a formula for failure.
The solution is simple, Mr. President. Ignore your policy advisors and fire those old school techno geeks.
Then, just put the right people in charge. Why not let your daughters build the new Obamacare website? Or let them hire some bright young friends for the job. I bet your girls know plenty.
And chances are, hiring these young guns will save tons of money. They will certainly charge less than the $630 million already wasted on this effort. If you play your cards right, the new team will probably work for a lifetime supply of Red Bull, Doritos and video games.
Think it over and let me know. Please reply to email@example.com. Google still works.
Yours for a swell America.