John Winters

Losing my shower

As I get older, sometimes I think about those simple things that no longer exist, at least in their simple forms.

We grow up, get married, have kids and and what was our bachelor pad is now, if you are lucky, a chair in the corner. But you have to take the pillows off first - stacked nicely mind you.

I am not complaining. My life is far more complete with the Little Black Dress and the SONs of Thunder. But there are times when I wish I could just have certain things back … Like the shower.

In my bachelor days, my shower was equipped with shaving cream, a razor, a bar of Dial gold bar soap and shampoo. Due to my lack of hair on my head, the shampoo could last a year.

When The Dress joined me, so did various and assorted bath/shower items. I had never heard of a loofah before, much less knew how to spell it. I did learn it has to do with exfoliation of one's skin, a word I had never used in a sentence before. These skin scrapers came in various sizes and shapes.

We have them all. And my once rather large shower is increasingly shrinking in wall and floor space.

There apparently is more than one type of shampoo. And I don't mean guy's shampoo and girl's shampoo and pick one and stay with it. No, we have shampoo for dry hair, soft hair, tinted, getting ready for the beach hair and bad hair day. Please do not ask me to get into the conditioners. I only have so much space.

Soap, apparently, is not an option. We have cleansers, body washes and various aromatherapy lotions. And yes, aromatherapy is yet another word I never expected to use in a sentence. The soap is not soft but has more of those exfoliate thingies in them.

The Dress also apparently collects razors. Silly me, when the blade gets dull, I switch it out. I still have one razor, one I've had for who knows how long. The Dress uses disposable razors, and as I said, she collects them. Ever step on a razor?

Things were getting cramped.

And then the SONs started showing up.

Little things at first. A toy boat or action figure. Easy to move out of the way. But then SON No. 2 and SON No. 3 arrived. It began to get more and more crowded.

About this time many of you are asking why we don't just make them use their own tub/shower. I agree with you. Please point this out in the comments so I can show the LBD. But until then, the SONs have invaded. Seems they like the idea it's just a shower. They dig the spray or something.

Somehow the whole phrase 'clean up after yourselves' refers, at least to them, that they took a shower. They don't get the part about picking up one's toys.

Many a groggy morning, I have attempted to enter my shower. There is no room because someone left a small battlefield in their wake. You have no idea how painful some of those cute little action heros can be when you step on them with bare feet.

Yes, I miss my old shower. But in reality, I'll put up with a mini rifle or a razor in my foot any day, to remind me the SONs and the LBD are around.

(John A. Winters is the general manager of The Newnan Times-Herald. You can follow his adventures at justflipthedog. com. Email him at john@newnan.com)



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