A better understanding of ministerial speech

In the interest of creating a better understanding of what a minister is actually saying, I offer the following examples which belong to a “preacher’s language.”

And in parentheses I have placed an interpretation of what the minister may be thinking.

“It is nice to see you again. It has been quite a while.” (For the life of me, I can’t remember their names. Maybe if they came to church more often I would know who they are.)

“Our church auditorium last Sunday night was about half full.” (It was a little more than half empty.)

However, the most memorable minister’s comment on the Sunday evening crowd was this:

“My church auditorium was comfortably filled.” (Truth was, there was room enough for everyone to put their feet up, stretch out on the pew, and take a nap.)

“What a beautiful baby boy, and he is a husky one, too.” (I imagine that little rascal is going to give them fits in the church nursery.)

“Everyone owes it to himself to get enough rest.” (Oh God, how I hate to get up in the morning.)

With his most scholarly sounding pulpit tone, “In the words of the poet.” (I don’t have any idea who wrote this.)

To the chairman of the church finance committee, “Everything going well?” (I hope somebody thought of a raise for me when they drew up the new budget.)

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