A better understanding of ministerial speech

In the interest of creating a better understanding of what a minister is actually saying, I offer the following examples which belong to a “preacher’s language.”

And in parentheses I have placed an interpretation of what the minister may be thinking.

“It is nice to see you again. It has been quite a while.” (For the life of me, I can’t remember their names. Maybe if they came to church more often I would know who they are.)

“Our church auditorium last Sunday night was about half full.” (It was a little more than half empty.)

However, the most memorable minister’s comment on the Sunday evening crowd was this:

“My church auditorium was comfortably filled.” (Truth was, there was room enough for everyone to put their feet up, stretch out on the pew, and take a nap.)

“What a beautiful baby boy, and he is a husky one, too.” (I imagine that little rascal is going to give them fits in the church nursery.)

“Everyone owes it to himself to get enough rest.” (Oh God, how I hate to get up in the morning.)

With his most scholarly sounding pulpit tone, “In the words of the poet.” (I don’t have any idea who wrote this.)

To the chairman of the church finance committee, “Everything going well?” (I hope somebody thought of a raise for me when they drew up the new budget.)



More Opinion

Buy your own zombie

Grantville City Council met and … We know, we know. It’s the start of yet another bad, or sad, joke. But today, let’s lea ... Read More


Rants, Raves & Really?!?

A look back at last week’s highs, lows and whatevers: RANT: Stephen Joshua Whitten, 25, was killed in a two-vehicle accident on Summer ... Read More


Georgia Says

The Savannah Morning News on state's beer laws: Once upon a time in Georgia, most beer drinkers had two choices when they wanted a cold one ... Read More


Where’s the ice?

Let’s call it the storm that wasn’t. Predictions of 1-3 inches of snow, freezing rain leading to the dreaded black ice and a who ... Read More


Why conservatives get mad at the mainstream media

It is an ongoing feature in modern-American politics that rears its head every day and consistently draws the ire of Conservatives. Look no ... Read More

Rants, Raves & Really?!?

A look back at last week’s highs, lows and whatevers: REALLY?!? Javier Garcia, who “resigned” as Grantville’s police ... Read More