Mommy, here's your bong
While only a quarter of the way into the year, we already have several outstanding candidates for Parents of the Year.
These individuals have gone out of their way to ensure their children experience what most don’t. Not only that, these thoughtful guardians work hard so their offspring have the opportunity to meet new and interesting people.
Many of those interesting people the kids get to meet wear badges and drive cars with blue lights. Often times these meetings happen late at night. Some of the other interesting people these children meet come stumbling into their homes at all hours, faces drawn, teeth missing, talking to walls and looking like hell warmed over.
Drugs will do that to a person.
Within the last few days, several of our candidates were arrested on various drug charges.
In one case, a woman was smoking a marijuana blunt in her car, with two small children in the back seat. We are sure she waved the smoke out the window like any good mom. And we hope she at least taught them some life skills - like how to roll a really tight joint. “Here little Johnny, roll this up for mommy, will you?”
In another instance, a woman was busted for meth and a child was present. That child, as in the above case, was turned over to family relatives. Let’s hope they are a little more outstanding. But again, here’s another opportunity to learn life skills while mommy and daddy make meth and hopefully don’t blow up the house. “Mary, sweetie, please bring me the rat poison. No dear, that’s turpentine, but it might work.”
Probably our strongest candidate was the mother arrested not long ago while at her drug dealer’s house, waiting to get her next fix. Fortunately, law enforcement was already there when she drove up. Unfortunately, the mother had her infant child in the back seat. And even more unfortunately, the infant later tested positive for meth, cocaine and a whole list of pharmaceutical delights.
And then there is the countless number of adults arrested for DUI, but their blessed children are safely belted in their car seats, so at least they are acting somewhat responsibly.
We salute all our candidates and hope someone, somewhere, slaps you upside the head. Repeatedly. Until you get it.
Destroy yourself if you must. Blow yourself up if you must. But leave the kids out of it. If you can’t handle yourself, you sure can’t handle kids. Do at least one thing right. Let your kids live with someone who will cherish them, provide for them and not teach them how to use a bong or lace cocaine.