The PPA Top Ten

In view of the current controversy concerning the 1,495-page Carbon Confusion Document just released by the EPA, I thought readers might appreciate a similar document on pipe. This is a proposed federal pipe specification from the Plumbing Protection Agency (PPA; relative of the EPA) under the Department of Homeland Security.

Government Pipe Regulations (PPA Doc. 18975BS.762)

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) – otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

5. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.

6. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe.

7. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

8. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

9. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise, you will end up going the wrong way.

10. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

11. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand thread, but do not mix the threads – otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

(They go on for another 362, or so, pages. You should see the specs for toilet seat holes.)

Tongue-in-cheek,

Jim Stagg

Newnan



More Opinion

Georgia Says

Albany (Georgia) Herald on ISIL: It seems our Washington leadership has found something it can agree on — national defense. Since the ... Read More


It’s show time, er, fair time

With cooler weather starting to move in, you know it’s time for the Coweta County Fair. The annual event kicked off yesterday and will ... Read More


Enough with domestic violence

It started with a clip of a football player pulling his unconscious fiancee out of an elevator. Recently released additional video shows the ... Read More


Rants, Raves & Really?!?

A look back at last week’s highs, lows and whatevers: REALLY?!? Some members of the East Coweta High School Marching Band were burned ... Read More


Georgia Says

The Augusta (Georgia) Chronicle on unswerving ideals: He epitomized the expression "doing well by doing good." His chicken sandwiches made ... Read More

The president and ISIS

The greatest threat facing America is terrorism. Today, that terrorism shows its face through ISIS. They rape, torture and kill men, women a ... Read More